Feelings..

Have you ever felt two completely opposite things about a person?
That a person's so close to you, yet so far away?
That you know everything about that person, yet you don't know anything about him/her?
That..you love that person, yet hate him/her at the same time?

I guess everyone must have felt that way before..
well, its quite confusing for me now.
It's eating me inside, out.
It's like...I wanna screw that person, curse, scream, beat that person up.
yet...a part of me..
Still wants to comfort, be there by the person, support the person in everything..
In the end, i'm just getting squashed in the middle.
Everywhere i go, i mumble that persons name..
Anyone new i meet, i just got to tell them who that person is..
Its like a second nature to say that person's name everyday..
sometimes i say it dreamily, sometimes with happiness..
sometimes with dissapointment and anger..

I can't take it no more, cause its wearing me out.
I have no idea where i got the strength to hold on...
maybe it was my stubborness, not my strength.
yea, probably..
Well, for more than two years,
this blog has been a place where i just openly shout my thoughts and feelings...
and its well...
I think it's purpose is going to end. =)
maybe, its going to end..
I feel like closing it down, cause the only reason that i write on my blog is for...
well, for those who've been reading my blog, you should know who that person is, xD
or even those who know me,lol.

For one time, in a very long time,
I feel like giving up...
congrats to that person, cause in that process you screwed me up damn badly. =)
Now whenever i'm near yea, i don't know anything anymore..
I don't go "Hypery", shout, laugh, smile.
I just..stare in the open, and well..memories just flow.
and the moodswings are BAD.
one second i feel like crying, the next i'm humming a happy tune by myself, LOL.

ACTUALLY, i don't know what to do, lol.
your a great person, a fun person to be with..
but in the whole process of trying to be together, many ppl were hurt.
intentionally or unintentionally...

Okay, now I'm going around in one big circle. lol.
well, a picture paints a thousand words,
so I'm gona summarise what i feel in a picture. =)

I've shown you how much i love you by hurting so much of me. =)

Ps : Should i close this blog down?